From Emmett Sims 1946 (Cole Bros. Circus Press Dept)

"CRAPPING OUT THE HERD" Dedicated to Mr. Eugene Scott and Mr. William Woodcock. I've read a lot of circus prose by dabblers with the "muse", It's done with language polished like a Preacher's Sunday shoes. They mostly sing of "kinkers" with stories you've all heard, So mine will be a simple thing called "Crapping Out the Herd". This feat is really something that I fain you all should see, But it's hidden from the publid gaze- and hence Posterity. But what would puzzle linguists and students of Ancient Sanscrit, Is, what in the Hell does Arky say, that makes those elephants shit? Now Eugene Scott, called Arky, is the boss of the elephant herds, He can pro rate timothy hay by the equivalent in elephant turds. He'll be standin' in the menagerie, a'leanin on his "proddin pole", All rapt in his calculation of the turds in each ass-hole. Then suddenly he'll holler for Woodcock (a collector of circus art), And the elephants know that between these two, they'd better do more than fart. But what they beller at these big bulls, is something that no one recalls, But up they go and down they drop, a chain of fresh dough --balls. This language sounds like Hack-h-u-r-Umph, H-u-r-Umph, H-u-r-Umph, H-u-r-Rapp! Then lo and behold, the herd will arise and majestically start to crap. Once again they will lean on their "proddin poles", oblivious of one and all, As they stare at the guilty elephant that shorted them one dough-ball. If you think that you're quite brilliant, because of a Ph. D., Remember with all your Latin and Greek, you still can't make an elephant pee. So I think I'll hook this Arky on some National Radio Chain, Because at seven in the morning, he would gain International Fame. His magical words would save much time by "crapping out" the Nation And since no Laxatives would then be bought, He'd "Reduce this damned inflation". And thus he'd become the only man to have his praises sung, By having his name in the Hall of Fame, embossed with elephant dung.